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A View on Abuse
Definition of Abuse
While the definition of abuse is simple, the meaning of abuse isn’t so clear. Yes, abuse is when one person purposefully hurts another, but that is a common occurrence in life and most of us are guilty of engaging in that from time to time. But what abuse really means is control. When a truly abusive situation exists, it’s because one party is seeking to control the other through abuse. And while this might be an explanation of abuse, it’s certainly no excuse. One person has no right to exercise control over another through abuse. Victims of abuse must know that the abuse is wrong and that the abuse is never their fault. Every person has the right to live an abuse-free life.

Different Types of Abuse
There are several different types of abuse recognized. Forms of abuse include:
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Emotional abuse aka Psychological abuse – this type of abuse is likely the most common. Emotional abuse consists of any behavior designed to hurt another person emotionally. Psychological abuse includes yelling, threats, shaming, humiliation and shaming, among other tactics.
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Financial abuse – this type of abuse is often seen alongside other forms of abuse. Financial abuse is when one person restricts access to money from another. This type of abuse includes actions like cutting off access to bank accounts, controlling where someone is allowed to work and preventing access to financial information.
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Physical abuse – this form of abuse shows the most outward signs. Physical abuse is also known as domestic abuse or domestic violence when it occurs within intimate relationships. Physical abuse is any physical act or threat of a physical act designed to harm another person physically. This type of abuse includes actions like slapping, punching, hair-pulling and kicking. Physical evidence such as bruises need not exist for the act to be physical abuse.
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Sexual abuse – this type of abuse is often perpetrated against women although men can be victims of sexual abuse too. Sexual abuse includes any unwanted sexual act forced on the victim. This form of abuse is also often known as sexual assault or rape. Sexual abuse can include anything from unwanted touching to forced intercourse or forced sexual contact with another person.
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Verbal abuse – verbal abuse is generally a form of psychological abuse. This type of abuse occurs when an abuser uses words and body language with the intent to hurt another person. Verbal abuse includes put-downs, name-calling, and unreasonable criticisms.
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Elder abuse – this type of abuse happens between an elder and another person, typically younger, such as the elder’s child. Elder abuse consists of other forms of abuse perpetrated against an elder. This form of abuse often consists of financial, emotional and even physical abuse.
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Spiritual abuse – spiritual abuse revolves around a person’s spirituality or religion. This type of abuse includes attacking another’s belief system, denying access to a house of worship or forced participation in a cult.
All forms of abuse are illegal, although some are harder to prosecute than others. Many of these different types of abuse are also perpetrated against children and teens.




Help for Abusers
How can we help abusers to change - their commitment:
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Admitting fully to what they have done
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Stopping excuses and blaming
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Making amends
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Accepting responsibility and recognizing that abuse is a choice
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Identifying patterns of controlling behavior they use
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Identifying the attitudes that drive their abuse
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Accepting that overcoming abusiveness is a decades-long process — not declaring themselves “cured”
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Not demanding credit for improvements they’ve made
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Not treating improvements as vouchers to be spent on occasional acts of abuse (ex. “I haven’t done anything like this in a long time, so it’s not a big deal)
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Developing respectful, kind, supportive behaviors
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Carrying their weight and sharing power
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Changing how they respond to their partner’s (or former partner’s) anger and grievances
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Accepting the consequences of their actions (including not feeling sorry for themselves about the consequences, and not blaming their partner or children for them)
